Bouncers To be Ducked at all counts!

Suggestions from the Kangaroo pouch

“His feet aren’t moving well. So you pitch it short & later pitch it up. And then wait for the nick in the slips. You’re bound to get one soon.”
This’s the abridged version of former Australian Cricket team coach John Buchanan’s neo technology aided thought process on How To Get Sachin Tendulkar OUT. It’s called Operation Sachin or something like that.

Oh yes, I can see devout Pakistani bowlers, led by Shoaib Akhtar already sending John Thank You cards & mails. Brett Lee has made it clear that no one else’s going to be his Chief Guest on the Thanksgiving Day. And the WBA [World Bowlers’ Association] is reportedly “Buchanizing” the local newspaper columns for “FAVOURS RECEIVED”. McGrath & Shane Warne in particular is moving court to sue Buchanan for not confiding this piece of info during their playing times. Shane Warne for his part has even expressed willingness to return from retirement, this time as a fast bowler. He has also urged Mark Waugh to dust up his baggy green & be ready, because Warney doesn’t want any dropped slip catches this time.

Oh Mr. Buchanan, after 18 years, 28000 runs & casualties amounting to hundreds of psychologically scarred bowlers and now you’ve got a plan? Come on mate. Get out of your computer aided coaching hangover. Tim Nielsen has taken over. Jibes apart I’ll still agree to certain facts brought out by John. Batsmen on the wrong side of their 30s get past their prime [unless they’re Husseys, Pontings & Haydens who weren’t naturals/ or deprived of chances. It’s curious that all late 30 form hitters are Aussies because it’s a tribute to their hard systems & resolve] and tend to slow down. It applies to the best batsmen too. Now Mr. Coach, let me ask you a simple question. Can you find me a batsman whose footwork’s nimble & in the right places from the ball 1 he faces? [Unless he has scored a double century in the previous innings that is] Somebody who’s technically correct in every aspect for his first 10-15 runs/minutes in the crease? Don Bradman, including himself, would give me an honest no for an answer, if he were alive.

And is this idea of yours out of the anvils of fresh innovation? Isn’t it a tried & tested method? Setting up a batsman by pushing him to backfoot & then bowling a fuller one for that miscued drive? And aren’t you too good a coach to know that every Australian bowler and also any 6th std. gully cricketer from Mumbai matching his wits in Shivaji Park would be familiar with this “new found” theorem of yours? I’d love to have some answers.

So I can see only other reasons for your new theory originating at this point of time. As a high performance manager of the Cricket Australia academy you want to [or are you forced to as a part of your job?] contribute your share of mind games because the Indians are due to hit Down Under soon for the Tests & ODIs. Or it might be your timely reminder that when it comes to the “brainy intellectual video footage aided thought process as a coach of repute” your position’s undisputable.

And yes Mr. Buchanan, Sachin in the latest of his 3 tours to your country, did hit a double century. And he did that without driving a single full ball on the offside. Sources say Sachin wasn’t sure about his front foot driving. So someone who can score at will by eliminating one of his most productive strokes must have some sort of caliber & skill still left to score runs this time too. Hopefully so for us. Advanced X’mas & New Year wishes John. We know & appreciate that you still haven’t lost your laptop.

N.B: Consider upgrading it.