Annai, its Chennai!

Chennai nagaram.
a oneliner can probably go lyk ds.
Wide roads, wild autos and wider mouthed junta.

u cnt miss ny of these wen u 1st land up there, especially if u get down at chennai central like i did.on a sunday morning.21st february, dat ws the date of MHCET exam, and chennai ws my nearest centre, a good 600odd kms away frm home.

hopped onto the famed chennai mail frm aluva station by satday evening.but even the news dat my boggy was populated with girls aged nywher between 23-25 [i avidly study reservation charts before boarding everytime due to some inherent advantages present], did nothing to lessen the pain that was my cramped side upper birth.i had to virtually snap myself into 2 to fit in and sleep.even all my preparatns to sleep well [which included less no. of bags n stuff and a workout previous day to get myself sleepy-as i'm a poor sleeper classer]weren't good enuf for my comfort.

i woke up atleast 5 times and once to find that my cell had slipped away from my chinos pocket, but thank God it was that mch crammed up in there that it din't fall down. wedged between me n the crappy sidewall it was quite safe.not that ny1 wud even care to steal a nokia 2006 model with a loose back cover n a keypad resembling an old soiled bumpy mattress with all the letters faded. its actually in the recycle- ur-fone- n -save- planet- ad by nokia.

well saving the planet thing i will leave to superman n kryptonites untill they feel tired.
i hope any climate change activist isn't reading this.not that my blog is actually RSS'd/burned/bookmarked/oversuscribed by some poor soul in south pole or nebraska, but my hunch is not to trust my google analytics freaks at all. They say my blogvisit count hasnt changed in the last 5 months, and still stands at a 7.since june 2008.

excuse me.reading too much of dilbert off late. so where were we?or me?

at 5 am sunday i pop out of my berth like a moron..at early morning u dont want to jump down from an unfamiliar place and land on an young girls berth. u might find dat convenient but certainly not the girl and her neighbours [read family members,impressionable menfolk around if d concerned lady is good looking, ready-to-shriek-anytime-cronies-fellow-girlfriends etc etc...], unless she is one
ms/mrs[choose the salutation u like untill the next syamvar].rakhi sawanth. but she doesnt travel by train these days it seems...

so i climb down like a debutant monkey learning to climb down and head for the loo.it says indian style n western style.there r two options.but the end result is just the same.might be u can differentiate it lyk dis.ther's no water in the indian one..[remember lagaan? 1890's?waiting for rain and water? xactly]..and the western one has a chained cup n working water supply..[these britishers knew xactly how they wanted to hardwire indian railways way back 150 years itself! nw wat cn mamata 'didi' bannerjee do nw na...???]..[i wonder will it change by the time we have our 1st bullet train in 2154ad.i guess only karunakaran n rajnikant wud make it till then to see it and tell their grandrobots.."once upon a time ther ws this thing called s%$#.."]

ok guys i said no water at the 'bharat' option. but i discovered that nly wen i gt in.and i found that others had probably discovered that a bit earlier than me.[probably the guy who ws clutching his stomach near to my seat some hours ago..gee i remember looking at my watch n finding it ws 2.24 am n this guy ws awake..]

i just said " wtf.shit" and got out of "bharat" with my dear life. and the usage of the second mentioned expletive coincided exactly and "literally" with the circumstances of usage for the first time in my whole holy 24 years of existence.

ok lets leave d finer details. i reached central by 7.10am. its a maze of platforms you know.and its exactly like the harry potter boarding station..[forgot the name, kings cross?] at some place... i remember seein platform no.12 smwhere..don't knw if there're more!
appeared huge!than bangalore atleast!

got out quickly by following the crowd.light weighed luggage helped.acted like a secret agent, jason bourne, caliberated my internal gps n found the pre paid auto centre. while in the queue u have all these non-pre paid autowalahs just pestering you to come and get in ther autos.bloody hell they're aggressive!
and WTH they dnt even knw a smattering of hindi/english!

i smhw survived the queue time, and made it in2 an auto.my room ws booked, so hd got rid of dat trouble!and i tendered the xact change of rs.66 [for a 7km journey] to the autoguy [lest he ran away if i gave him a 100 rs note!!!]
these guys were so cute dat it looked as if they were rehabilitated from the erstwhile chambal valley!

they got their horses traded for auto's.only difference.life moved on.

hotel was a decent one. new woodlands, mylapore. if u wudnt mind 1040rs/day rent.
after a smooth check in, the bellboy showed me the tv was in working condition, but the moment he left the plug socket failed.it ws abt 8.15 nw and i hd to leave by 12 for my exam and wanted to charge my phone. so called the electrician..but he took some time coming..

meanwhile i went and had a heavy breakfast.bcos i cudnt afford to hv lunch at noon and sleep at my exam table at 2.30.hd butter dosa n onion uthappam.i felt guilty like a criminal.dosa was 48 and uthappam 55rs. i decided not to plead guilty again and avoided the rs.22 tea..a vegetarian hotel, but non veg pricing!ok food though.and a well preserved ambience like an old time hangout of the 70's.and a lady with accented but good english takes ur order.it was like a breath of fresh air.knowing that u r conversing meaningfully at both the ends!

i just looked around at the crowd..it ws almost full. 2 or 3 foreigners at a corner and rest all were locals.there were 2 old hus-wife pairs..rest were full fledged family breakfast affairs..
the hus-wife pair at my right was quite disappointed at the menu, myt be nt finding the right variety of dosa[they hv abt 108 dosa types here, really,dosas were born here]. the pair upfront were connoisseurs. i mean they were really hungry [i saw them ordering 3,4 times], but they really were dissecting the cooking nuances of each dish, pointing out the shortcoming to the hapless waiter who nodded like hell evrytime and said "aama aama" everytime in a baritone that would put amitabh bachchan in2 shame..Bt he ended up with a 20rs. tip!worth the trouble.
and a just returned-home expat mother ws indianising her 2 little girls to the food here at my left.one of the little girls talking like hermione granger ws saying "mummeey thdeh fooood is ghettin leyit"..i could notice it ws atleast a month since she landed as the brit accent ws slowly wearing off..welcome back!

my waiter ws cocky and arrogant and i paid him back with a next to nothing tip.
went back n had an hours sleep, worked out some problems, and hd some biscuits n started out for exam. had a real brawl with the auto driver, he ws trying to argue n muscle me in for an obscene fare and i just stompd off and managed another auto, bt with jst 10rs less! ws exhaustd and dint want to waste all my mind b4 the exam.

the venue ws opened very late and had to stand and wait for long.ws drenching by d time i sat down.a girl frm kerala sat behind me.some cusat students wer also there.gave a pen 2 a guy who dint hv a black one.exam wet fast.we had a examiner who ws very vocal in his accented tone and attracted a few groans but i found him ok n caring.much better than the going-thru-the-motion type ones back home i have seen.
i guess the cutoff wud soar this time.super humans from mars have infiltrated this seasons' test taking junta.plenty of evidence mind you.check www.pagalguy.com

i ws back at d hotel by 5.45pm.
hd biryani and icecream.it ws hot.might be thats an excuze for the ice cream excess.checked out by 7.30pm.

at the station a malayali hus-pair wife asked me to read out their no. frm the reservation chart as they'd forgotten ther reading glasses.but man they asked to me in tamil!
wow.
one day in chennai and i was looking the part already!
and they were mallus.come on fellas, recognise ur brethren!

i gt an upper birth this time.at 10pm i asked the guy below to switch off the light and he glared at me.i gave him a sleepy "come on-cut-the-crap-man" look..

i dnt remember him switching it off, i ws asleep before that.long day out.
and that was chennai.nantri for sparing me from more.